if it were effortless
every cell of the body in the place it knows how to be
all working together without effort,
the body as a whole
each part in unique relationship with gravity
all dancing singularly
in the divine complete puzzle whole.
movement isn't effort or doing
intention traveling in directions
and a perceiving of how this intention
travels and shapes
all parts of the whole
doing and being, together in harmony.
to open into infinite possibilities
finding silent home in chaos
who am i without effort?
identity in effort,
a false sense of safety, a false sense of control.
trying to know,
to hide from the experience of knowing what it could mean
to be in this body
a collection of the universe
experiencing human form
in relation to all forces around
a dance between
balanced between poles
held, but free
the staircase of glow
he doesn't really hear me
i respond with love
he responds with question, the debate
he's not hearing what i am, who i am in total
i tell him i love him despite the changes
he tells me it wasn't a change but a shift
why are you looking at the change
and not the fact i just told you i loved you
you shut me off
what is flowing and reaching out to you
but you say you understand everything already
that you can't repeat what you already know
that it's boring, boring to your all knowing self
but where is the knowing to acknowledge
to fall in
to stop and realize what someone is trying to give
to feel it all
which is probably a lot
its like 2 magnets attracting
of when the same sign, but when they are opposites
i am trying to be myself, the opposite
i don't really know what i'm trying
but i feel you taking the love away from me
the love of myself
and this is what i need to find
with space will it return?
a snowflake fell then. a rain drop falls now.
how many moments passed? from when i made the decision with the falling of the snowflakes in the corner of the tea house, to when i lay on the bed next to her and the falling rain.
how many moments passed? from when i peed my pants (for real) on the cement sidewalk, to when i pee on the leaves and grass covering the mountains.
how many moments passed? from when i fell asleep in the foggy cafe window, to when i forget to sleep because of bliss given by the touch of a brother.
decisions connecting, decisions guiding. and who am i to know where they lead, who am i to know how the web is woven. who am i.
who i am.
i am who, and i am how. i am how the currents flow, i am how the stories are told, i am how the cells remember. simply, i am.
in me, the moments passed are comprised. i hold memories of replicated scenarios, on different lands. of replicated learning, in different bodies.
for this, i live.
we, the seeds of the sun
them, the distant ones
she, the silent one
begins her day with a cup
dirt drops on the window
piling up and to
the ancient reverie
a moment between
i wake up at noon
the dawn of noon
it is here where i will begin again
the dance of me
the commotion of feet
bring me to places thrilling as the green skeleton of
the tree on your side, the sea to your front
we shed our layers grasping like
for the air we cannot see
burden to gift
effort to nourishment
shame to honor
innate wisdom waits
cycling every month
in a process of gestation and birth
the universal pattern
the ultimate truth
when the love
of your own infinite being
movement in stillness
the waters within your womb
hold you in safety
of the womb
is a choice
the energy coming from
creation is eternal
it is timeless
fueled by the space where nothing lies
forget your ideas
the power of eternity
the same water
each sharp flip
pulling water back
to push water forward
2 same fish
one leads, the other leads
who starts (not clear)
distracted by the rock
who starts (not clear)
seeking their twin
in their chase
missing colorful fish
gently floating seaweed
in their chase
2 same fish
me in my chair
seeing the glass box
holding a universe
seeing the game
i know how to play
always seeking the identity
always chasing the reflection
with no winner
what is it about him?
what is it about me?
“Ich erinnere mich sich selbst.”
A part of me feels like he is everything, the one.
A part of me feels like he will never understand.
So I seek, myself, to find the answer.
What I fear?
Who I am. What does this mean, I?
How I block and ignore?
How I hide, how I shine?
How I love? Giving and receiving.
I enter an experiment with others.
An inaugural gathering to my inauguration.
I give myself permission, to rest, to retreat by choice.
To see my strength, through the love.
the blanket lays low
on the mountains
layers of flags, blowing.
a tree passes by
grey and warm
a family stands
black + pink
individual + total
sensuality in the darkness
the expression that is everything
flowing through my body
for the first time
the excitement of the child
i feel it again,
we meet again.
pink skies and the icy wind
electric points and the silent abyss.
when do these points of opposition meet? light reflects off her waters,
when will it meet
the light of mine?
space stands between,
but i am you,
and you i.
i sit on your banks
strands of green hope
growing between us
strands connecting borders of perception.
when i perceive you,
i perceive me.
we are one.
out of the bright sun
i write, my
desires crash against the edges of the beach
wishes float above
i am caught by that which i believe,
and held by that which i let go.
with the light of the sun, reflecting off the split moon
i find my way in the dark.
adding to the light
till the light is full, suspended in the dark and intentions blossom
portugal // august 2019 – zurich, switzerland // october 2019 – tel aviv // january 2020