who am i without effort?
where do i hold on to,
when every step = 0?
who do i become?
when this is only a collection of nows?
where do i attach,
when there is no horizontal plane?
who am i,
when i accept this vertical body?
simply transmitting, heaven on earth.
past and future, only existing now.
effortless existence.
as if nothing happened, as if nothing will happen.
alertness + effort, not to be confused.
within alertness hides a door,
to effortless space.
where life flows,
through spine.
like sunlight,
informing tree.
who stands upright.
weaving with the cosmic honey,
spreading out into all it is meant to be.
i am,
without effort.
a black bird
lands softly
on the branch
of the tree
the limbs of the heart of the earth
welcoming
visitors of the shadows
bumble bee buzzes blindly
towards the sweet scent
of skin and plants mingling
becoming one coat of bliss
drawing in
visitors of the flowers
water vibrates silently
repeating its rhythms
of desire to return home
to the oceans
to the songs of the whales
revealing
the steady flow of love
ground reaches down
kissing the waters with sweet stillness
holding rocks
holding the roots of giants
holding the bones of recent visitors
allowing
multiple truths to be
imagine,
if it were effortless
to move
every cell of the body in the place it knows how to be
all working together without effort,
with pleasure
the body as a whole
each part in unique relationship with gravity
all dancing singularly
in the divine complete puzzle whole.
movement isn't effort or doing
it is,
intention traveling in directions
and a perceiving of how this intention
travels and shapes
all parts of the whole
doing and being, together in harmony.
the choice,
to open into infinite possibilities
finding silent home in chaos
who am i without effort?
identity in effort,
a false sense of safety, a false sense of control.
trying to know,
to hide from the experience of knowing what it could mean
to be in this body
a collection of the universe
experiencing human form
in relation to all forces around
a dance between
infinity
unfolding
catalyzing
balanced between poles
held, but free
belonging.
guardian of the stillness
from here comes full expression
here lives the enchanted embrace
jungle goddess, forest being
i am
a movement within the stillness
every sensation
held in this spacious fire
of this heart
of this breath
of this spine
double headed snake
dancing between
heaven and earth
stars and moss
light and dark
woven, in balance
a blanket
of all colors
resting, coating
this body and the body
we all share.
i am ocean being
my heartbeat
voice of whales
i am tree being
my spine
weaver of underworld roots
i am cloud being
my skin
morphing with air
i am stone being
my bones
solidification of wisdom
i am flower being
my heart
magnet of golden honey
i am sun being
my eyes
illumination of truth
i am moon being
my blood
red tides unseen
i am earth being
my existence
prayer of pleasure
this morning
i saw my blood mixed with water
hours let red melt to pink
soft
strong
death visiting life
carried by water
between shrinking guts
and expanding knowing
deep breaths guide my limbs
porcelain touches
on freshly awoken body
pores in their state of black holes
slowly my light
comes out
hand, glass, blood
hand above head
my blood meets soil
that i cannot see
feeds tiny beings
that i do not know
but i say, hello
hello with my death
reverence
to support this life
of green webs of spiraling strength
circling overhead
as i sleep
webs of life and death
swirl mysteries
down into the fibers
of my blankets
of my skin
my blood continues
to fall
my death continues
to bring life
and our hearts continue
to weave
the staircase of glow
he doesn't really hear me
i respond with love
he responds with question, the debate
he's not hearing what i am, who i am in total
i tell him i love him despite the changes
he tells me it wasn't a change but a shift
so
why are you looking at the change
and not the fact i just told you i loved you
you shut me off
what is flowing and reaching out to you
but you say you understand everything already
that you can't repeat what you already know
that it's boring, boring to your all knowing self
but where is the knowing to acknowledge
to fall in
to stop and realize what someone is trying to give
to feel it all
which is probably a lot
its like 2 magnets attracting
of when the same sign, but when they are opposites
they mesh
i am trying to be myself, the opposite
i don't really know what i'm trying
but i feel you taking the love away from me
the love of myself
and this is what i need to find
with space will it return?
stepping into stillness
that only ends can bring
tricking
their end
to reveal space in all moments
still in my observation
of the dance
around and inside
the white abyss
of crystalizing waters
whispers above
leaves become fire
as water leaves their veins
fire flows from the base of me
drop by drop
offering compulsory transition
into mysteries
red is the color of change
4 nights with you
soft eyes
deliver fire
memories and visions
of floating in serenity
of meeting the truth
of who you are
tender dove
vulnerable doe
staring at me
from the body of a boy
from which river where you born
from which mouth were you released
because,
i met you there, and i love you
liquid fruitions 