ground zero i let go of what i know to shed metamorphosize my mystery our mystery individual heart strings purifying, tuning to synchronize with the pattern of that which calls which can be felt but never seen until it is memory and remembered
conscious transformation burden to gift effort to nourishment shame to honor innate wisdom waits cycling every month in a process of gestation and birth mirroring the universal pattern showing the ultimate truth for you to be when the love permeates the cells of your own infinite being ___ movement in stillness the waters within your womb hold you in safety ___ seeds of creation of flowers of the womb to bloom is a choice receiving the energy coming from infinity and back to infinity creation is eternal it is timeless fueled by the space where nothing lies forget your ideas and receive the power of eternity
dissonance is information stillness creates relationship simplicity is clarity space creates vibrancy releasing is flying light creates reality shame is no home
inspired by the smell and sound and atmosphere of rainfall after months of sunshine, i wrote.
you can read it on elephant journal.
clouds over the earth, like a crochet blanket moonlight shining in the holes onto my eyes like the ray of the sun seeping in to me, through my crochet blanket the song plays and i feel you leave right shoulder up and down but now i eat, i feast and feel you here
[inspired by Claes Oldenburg]
thick the blanket lays low on the mountains heavy layers of flags, blowing. a tree passes by grey and warm a family stands black + pink individual + total sensuality in the darkness the expression that is everything flowing through my body for the first time the excitement of the child i feel it again, i remember.
we meet again. pink skies and the icy wind electric points and the silent abyss. when do these points of opposition meet? light reflects off her waters, when will it meet the light of mine? space stands between, but i am you, and you i. i sit on your banks strands of green hope growing between us strands connecting borders of perception. when i perceive you, i perceive me. we are one.
out of the bright sun i write, my desires crash against the edges of the beach wishes float above i am caught by that which i believe, and held by that which i let go. with the light of the sun, reflecting off the split moon i find my way in the dark. setting intentions adding to the light till the light is full, suspended in the dark and intentions blossom spreading seed, offering nectar.
location: Berlin, Germany
water: Mügelsee
Together in the sun, he is sitting on the bank as I swim to meet him through the grass of the lake. I slowly stand up, sensing each drop of water roll down my naked body, each drop reflecting in the light of his eyes. Hummus, pita, olives, red wine serve as sensory distractions. The bliss floats out of our laughing mouths. We wade through the water, our chests and lower bellies meet. I feel the heat of a deep knowing and exchange. A shy look to the left, a drop of fear joins. The water reflects the sun back into our faces and eyes, encouraging us to trust in the brightness. Do we notice? We choose not to discuss the answer. Diving back into the cool water, the heat of our connection and the heat of our impending separation dissolve. For now, we are one. Me, him, the water.
location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
water: The Amstel
Five months pass with the Pacific calmly flowing between us. I in the West and him in the East. I am consumed by the heat of our separation; I crave to slip into the cold, silvery blanket of the sea with him, to leave this behind; I do this. We meet at the canal, time pauses, the moon shines down on our tight chests. Did we see the brightness reflected back at us five months ago? Do we choose this brightness or do we choose fear, do we choose darkness? Holding hands, we step and step, slowly, deeper and deeper, matching the pace of the flowing water next to us. Holding hands, we look at each other from the peak of our individual mountains, seeing a home in each others eyes but noting the dark abyss between us. The only way to meet is to reach the base of the mountain and tread across the solid ground. Our story begins its descent.
location: Faro, Portugal
water: The Atlantic Ocean
Seven months pass. Halfway down the perceived inner mountains, we stand shoulder to shoulder at the edge of the European continent, looking out over the Atlantic with no land in sight. The red sun stretches over the horizon, becoming wider and wider in a way I have never seen before. It appears to be on the edge of the universe as we know it, someplace in an oasis of time. I desire to go there with him, to hold his hand and step onto the surface of the limitless water, defying gravity as the pull of the sun and timeless space slowly melts us together. His lies and betrayal meet with my potential desires; the former wins.
location: Munich, Germany
water: The Isar
The river rushes around my calves and ankles. My feat grip into the dirt, my hands clutch the stones. He sits on the river bank, stable; I stand in the river, fighting the flow. A storm cloud rolls in, covering us in its darkness and thick drops. The space between us breaks, we becoming two people fighting the same battle. Rain pours into our faces, matts our hair, clothes cling to our bodies. The repetitive motion of the bicycles is the only familiarity. A few times I drive meters with my eyes closed. By this time I have gotten good at moving forward blindly. We pause under a bridge and wrap ourselves in a dry cloth. The smell of my palo santo cleansed home is in the fabric. A sad attempt at protection from our reality.
location: Tel Aviv, Israel
water: The Mediterranean Sea
We sit together by the Mediterranean. I can’t escape the heat. The heat of the sand. The heat of the air. The heat of the water. The heat of my lies in my stomach. I am trapped, and so is he. We are trapped in our own heat, and even the water isn’t cool enough to soothe us. He throws his plastic bottle with enough force to break us into pieces. It happens. The bottle hits the ground. Our individual truths come out with the shattering of our reality. Everything flows. The bottle is thrown away. Recycling isn’t popular in Israel.
location: Berlin, Germany
water: The Spree
I finally find the courage to say goodbye. Water takes its most intimate form, now able to cool us once more, wrapping our hot faces in heavy drips of saltiness. It pours down. It consumes. It transports. A tear rests on his cheek, not eager to flow down. I see it as an invitation to unite our individual waters. My gentle kiss becomes a suck, I take the tear in my mouth and we become one. Molecules meeting, bodies parting.
liquid fruitions 